


Talking With Your Foot in Your Mouth

by LizaCameron



Series: Talking and Nakedness Series [6]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s07e19 Transition, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-21
Updated: 2010-03-21
Packaged: 2019-05-30 14:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15098468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizaCameron/pseuds/LizaCameron
Summary: Amy finds out about J/D.





	Talking With Your Foot in Your Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

"Sam, is that you?" A voice purred from above.

Having gotten off the phone with Toby, Sam had been engrossed for the last fifteen minutes in reading campaign speeches, assessing the rest of the campaign speechwriting talent. But now he jerked his head up to find none other than Amy Gardner lounging on the edge of his desk. He hadn't even heard her enter the office.

"Amy." He sat back in his chair and took off his glasses. "How are you? What are you doing here?"

"I work here."

"You do?" Sam's eyebrows raised in surprise. That seemed like something Josh would have mentioned.

"I could ask you the same. What are you doing here?"

"My first day. Deputy Chief of Staff."

"Wow, I'm impressed Josh got you to give up a high six figure partnership in Los Angeles." Amy smirked before leaning suggestively across the desk pressing her cleavage towards Sam in what could only be interpreted as an inviting manor.

"You know there are chairs right there. Visitor chairs. They are there so visitors to the office can sit in them. Since you're a visitor, you could sit in them and then they wouldn’t go to waste."

"I'm looking for Josh." Amy replied silkily, but she did push herself off the desk and slink down into one of the aforementioned visitor's chairs. 

"I'm sure you are. He didn't tell me he hired you."

"He didn't. The President-elect did. Director of Legislative Affairs." 

"I see," Sam nodded, that made much more sense. "That will be some change for you. "

"He challenged me to start building things rather than tearing them down, you know I can't back away from a challenge." 

"Well, it will be… interesting working with you again."

"Oh right, the last time we worked together." Amy smiled sadly at him, "I hope you don't blame me for the fact that you lost your campaign."

"Of course not." Sam felt the stab that hit his gut anytime someone mentioned his failed Congressional run.

"So where's Josh?" Amy looked inquiringly around his office.

Sam smiled internally and looked to his watch. "I'm guessing right now he's at a cruising altitude of about 30,000 feet."

"He left? Where'd he go? Some other top recruit he has to hunt down?"

"Not exactly."

"Well when can I reach him? I have a lot of… things… to go over with him."

"He'll be out of touch for some time. Can I help you?"

"Uh… not really… I'll call him when he lands."

"When I say he's going to be out of touch, I mean it. If it's urgent you probably should discuss it with me." 

"Oh… well actually, it's a private... matter."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Sam just starred at her with one eyebrow cocked, until she finally relented.

"Fine, if you must know, I'm trying to set Josh up on a date. He's at the point in his life when it's just pathetic for him to be all alone. He's like this sad, wretched figure, rattling around this place. I have a name and number to give him, a friend of mine. Actually, I've already given him the name; I just need to get him the number. So if you could just tell me how to get in touch with him, then I'll call and give him the information and he can embark on a new relationship that will inevitably end badly, but at least he'll get laid."

Sam fought an urge to roll his eyes. "You're setting Josh up with a friend of yours?"

"Why is that surprising?"

"I guess I always assumed you liked Josh… available."

"That's ridiculous, I'm living with someone." Amy smirked again, this time though she also looked like cat that had eaten the canary. "But you think I should date Josh?"

"No, no I do not. So did Josh agree to this set up?" Sam asked, highly amused but trying to hide it.

"Not exactly, but its Josh, he has to be forced into these things."

"Yes, forcing a man into a relationship, that always ends well."

"I didn't sell it as a relationship; I told him it was for sex and conversation. Even Donna thought it was a good idea. And you know she watches everything he does like a hawk, so if she approves it's practically a done deal."

"Donna approved?" Sam coughed twice to cover a snort that had almost escaped, but couldn’t stop himself from asking, "When was this?"

"A few nights ago, at the White House reception for Leo."

"Interesting," Sam kept his expression inscrutable. Josh really had been getting it from every direction. Poor bastard. "You know what I've always thought?"

"No, what?" Amy's eyes danced as she leaned forward in the chair suggestively.

Unconsciously, Sam leaned even further back in his chair. The woman was a man-eater. "That Josh and Donna would make a nice couple."

Amy's expression froze. 

"They've been through so much together; they obviously adore each other and have fun. They understand each other and no matter what happens in their lives, they gravitate back to one another. Not to mention the fact that they've always had a very obvious… thing."

Amy forced a smile and replied huskily, "You know what they say about dipping your pen in the company ink. They work together. I think in order for him to have a successful relationship its important Josh date outside the West Wing. That's why Sarah is perfect. Outside the building, but inside the beltway."

Sam clasped his hands together and nodded as if he were in deep thought. "Valid point. However, I think, and I'm pretty sure Josh agrees with me, that he ought to be with someone he's in love with, regardless of where she works. But if the rumors are true, Donna won't be in the West Wing, removing that obstacle."

"She's going to turn down a job with the Administration?" Amy perked back up; she liked the idea of working with Josh, but without Donna underfoot every minute.

"Not exactly. Think East Wing."

"What…" Amy's lip automatically curled into a derisive sneer. "As the First Lady's Press Secretary? Or maybe her Deputy Director of Special Projects? I assume those positions would offer her an overwhelming challenge, although they would probably be a step down from what I'm assuming Josh will offer her." She brushed some lint off her sleeve before offering causally, "I'm not sure he's objective when assessing her talent."

"Is Chief of Staff to the First Lady a step down?"

Once again Amy froze, but this time when she answered she rolled her eyes. "You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not." 

"How is she possibly qualified to be the First Lady's Chief of Staff? Not a year ago she was still Josh's assistant." Amy was shaking her head with disgust. She scoffed, "Well Mrs. Santos is a stay-at-home mom, so maybe Donna is exactly her speed. Then can plan a national bake sale together." 

"I think she's very qualified." A voice interjected from the doorway.

With a start Sam looked up and immediately jumped out of his chair. "Ma'am!"

"I'm sorry for interrupting. I was just in my husband's office and he said an old friend of Josh's had been hired as the Deputy Chief of Staff. I wanted to introduce myself."

"You're not interrupting anything, Mrs. Santos." Horrified at what she'd obviously just overheard, Sam quickly crossed from behind Josh's desk and once in front of Helen he offered his hand with a smile that he hoped conveyed apology and innocence. "Sam Seaborn."

"Nice to meet you, please call me Helen," she smiled warmly as she shook his hand. "I remember you from your Congressional run."

"I did make a lot of headlines, didn't I?" Sam relaxed slightly at her friendly demeanor; he also didn't feel the pang this time at the mention of the failed Congressional race. Apparently, it was all in the delivery and tone. 

"I won't embarrass you by telling you how some of my girlfriend's referred to you." At Sam's worried expression, Helen teased reassuringly, "Let's just say they thought you were handsome." 

"I see." Sam blushed, before turning to the still-seated woman in his office. A woman who had just made one of the largest faux paus he'd seen in recent memory. In a bit of a strained voice he asked, "Do you know Amy Gardner?"

"Only by reputation." Helen's voice was decidedly cooler, but she extended her hand. Amy slowly uncoiled herself from the chair, rose and accepted her proffered hand.

"Nice to meet you, Amy. What is it you do here?" Helen questioned curtly.

"It's nice to meet you, Helen. Your husband hired me to be Director of Legislative Affairs."

"Feel free to call me Ma'am." Helen corrected with a forced smile and Amy suddenly looked as if she was going to throw up. However, she willed herself to regain her composure as Helen continued talking. At the very least she prayed she wasn't squirming. "Amy, I may only be a stay-at-home mom, but I do plan on making the most of this position. I'm going to do what I can to further my husband's agenda, and along the way carve out some territory of my own. I know that you'll be coming out of the gate with his Education plan; Donna has some great ideas how I can help with that. You should talk with her; she knows the policy inside and out. Oh and in the future I wouldn't be so dismissive of stay-at-home moms. It seems to me, you're going to need the support of moms if you hope to convince a reluctant Congress that we've got a better way to educate children in this country."

With wide, stricken eyes, Amy watched the other woman feeling completely dumbfounded; she had no idea what to say. Not that she could have said anything anyway, what with the way her foot was still wedged firmly in her mouth. She managed to mutter, "Yes, Ma'am."

"Well, I suppose I should get going." Helen turned a genuine smile back to Sam. "I'm sorry to have interrupted."

"Oh you didn't interrupt anything Amy just stopped by to set Josh up on a date." Sam answered matter-of-factly. It was the kind of thing he would have said automatically, without thinking, in the old days. Tonight was slightly more calculated.

At that Helen turned back immediately and studied Amy with pointed curiosity. "Really?" 

Amy gave Sam a death glare before explaining, "Josh and I go way back." 

"Oh so you're close?'

"Very."

"I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you appear to be a straight shooter…" When Amy nodded Helen continued. "Don't you think that's a little… malicious? Not to mention rude."

"Ma'am?" Amy asked with terror filled-eyes; that wasn't the response she was expecting.

"If you're as close to Josh as you say, then obviously you must know that he's already in a relationship."

Amy swallowed hard and then looked to Sam for help. All he did was nod and shrug.

"If you know he's with someone, I find it quite spiteful that you're in here trying to set him up with another woman."

"He's in a relationship?" Amy's voice was a bit hoarse and she couldn't hide her astonishment. This time she couldn’t curb the squirming.

"Yes, surely you must know he and my unqualified, bake sale-planning future Chief of Staff are an item?"

"Oh…" Now Amy relaxed and waved her hand. "You mean Donna. Everyone thinks that. Personally, I've always found it un…" Amy had been about to say something about it being unprofessional, but her voice trailed off when she saw the look in the future First Lady's eye. However, she did muster her courage and finish, "But they're just friends. She was even in favor of me setting him up."

Helen looked the woman in front of her up and down before asking, "Just friends, huh? I don't have any friends that take me away for a romantic week-long vacation in paradise." She turned to Sam. "Do you?"

"I can't say that I do." Sam agreed as he watched the women volley back and forth with fascination. Admittedly, he hadn't expected to find Helen Santos this formidable.

"They're on vacation?" Amy's façade crumbled and looked like she's been smacked across the face.

"Yes." Sam and Helen both nodded.

"During transition?"

"Yes."

"That's impossible. Josh would never leave right now. If I know nothing else, I know that."

"Apparently, you don't know him as well as you think you do. He and Donna left this afternoon." 

Amy opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Feeling her work was done, Helen turned back to Sam. "My husband told me you're getting married."

"You're getting married?" Amy finally found her voice.

"Yes, as soon as I can move my fiancée out here."

"So she'll be new to town?" Helen asked sounding genuinely interested. 

"She won't know a soul, but on the not-exactly bright side she'll be kept busy studying night and day so she can retake the bar exam. She's giving up a lot." Sam smiled ruefully.

"As it happens, I'm new to town as well and DC isn't always the friendliest of towns." Helen looked pointedly at Amy before she continued, "Promise me you'll bring her by to meet me when she arrives."

"Absolutely, I know she would be thrilled."

"Perhaps the six of us can even have dinner some time?"

Sam perked up at that suggestion. "We would be honored."

"Great…" She stepped back and towards the door. "Now I'll really get out of your hair. Sam it was nice to meet you." Once again her voice became a bit colder before she turned to the other woman. "Amy likewise."

"Yes, Ma'am, it was nice to meet you." Amy's expression twisted into a pained smile as she watched the retreating figure. As soon as Helen was gone a sneer marred her features, "She hates me."

"Oh yeah." Sam nodded once.

"That's not good."

"I wouldn’t think so."

"Just because she likes Donna."

Sam laughed out loud. "I think your fate was sealed when you charged her with hiring someone unqualified and then said she was a stay-at-home mom."

"But that's what she is." Amy defended.

"Yes, but you were patronizing and used it to categorize her in a derogatory sense. You suggested she would hold a national bake sale as part of her political agenda."

"You're rubbing it in?" Amy slumped in the chair while massaging her temples with one hand.

"Sorry." He bit his lip to keep from chuckling. "But it's painfully clear why you can't keep a job for more than six months."

"I'm currently lying here prone, Sam, do you want to kick me too?" 

"Can I give you a piece of advice?"

Removing her hand from where it covered her eyes, she glared at him a second before relenting with a shrug, "Sure, why not?"

"If you want to keep this job, the way you talked about Donna in here today… don't say that in front of the Chief of Staff. I don't think he'll be as nice about it as Mrs. Santos was." Sam looked at her pointedly. 

"Thanks for the tip." She replied but couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes before asking, "They're really together? He's serious about her?"

Sam nodded, suppressing a grin.

"I guess it was only a matter of time. But I still think my friend would have been better for him. I'll keep her number handy for him, for when this whole thing goes down in flame which it inevitably will."

Sam just dismissed her with a wave. "You just don't want to lose."

"What? I'm not losing anything. I don't want Josh."

Sam sat back in his chair and studied her. She had an agenda, she always had an agenda. Personal or professional, that's what it always boiled down to with her. But what was her agenda with Josh? "Crazy thing I actually believe you when you say that you don't want Josh. But I also believe you don't want Donna to have him either."

"I just don't happen to think they're a good match. She's not enough for him."

And her agenda became clearer. Sam knew this was trouble. With a capital T. If he didn't nip it in the bud, it could become a serious problem and a distraction down the line. It was now his job to cut off problems like this, before they started, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

He pinned her with his gaze. "Are you crazy?"

"What?!" Amy yelped with obvious offense.

"Why are you jeopardizing the opportunity of a lifetime over this?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Sam." She narrowed her eyes at him.

He threw up his hands. "Look, I suppose it's understandable. When you dated Josh, Donna was always in the middle between you. Always the unspoken, unrecognized reason you and Josh were never going to work. It sucks to be with someone who is in love with someone else, I get that. So, of course your ego can't accept the fact that Josh and Donna are the real deal. It actually makes sense what you're doing in here; you're trying to sabotage his relationship by setting him up on a date with another woman."

"That's ridiculous. I didn't know there was a relationship to sabotage." Amy defended hotly.

"But you knew that it was inevitable. So you figured you'd try and set him up with someone, anyone, in order to distract him from whatever potential he had with Donna. Give it up Amy. Move on with your life. Josh did, a long time ago. And if you're really his friend, you would be happy for him, because I believe he's finally on a road that will ultimately make him happy. Leave it alone before you do any more damage to yourself. This pointless grudge you have against Donna has already caused you to make an ass of yourself in front of Mrs. Santos. If you have any hope of making this job work, you'll do your job and stay out of Josh's personal life. Think about it, is making sure that Donna doesn't get Josh really worth sabotaging yourself?"

Her mouth opened, but no words came out. His speech stunned her. She didn't want to recognize herself in his comments, but she did. "That is not what I'm doing."

"Yeah, it is."

"That's ridiculous." She dug deep for righteous indignation and found it in her hate at being analyzed by an armchair psychologist. She turned back to what she thought was logic. "You call me crazy because I'm not sold that they've got it all worked out? Sue me for being skeptical that after all these years that they can just wave a magic wand and do the happily-ever-after thing."

Sam shook his head before fixing his gaze on her again. "The brutal truth is that your opinion on the matter has no bearing on the situation."

"It's not just my opinion. It's fact. If they're so solid, why did they lie to me at Leo's funeral? Why didn’t they just admit they're together? Why did Donna say setting Josh up with Sarah was a good idea?"

Sam blew out a frustrated breath. "I'm guessing that however close you think you and Josh are, you knowing what's going on in his personal life is in no way a priority for him. And I'm certain it's not a priority for Donna."

Amy crossed her arms over her chest huffily. "You're a real ass tonight, you know that Sam. I thought we were friends." 

"Actually, a friend is exactly what I'm being to you right now. I'm being a friend by telling you like it is. The only way you in this Administration is going to work, is if you let it go, mind your own business and do your job."

"You're not my boss Sam."

"The hell I’m not."

"I was hired by the President."

"I realize you haven't worked fully in an Administration before, but you're no longer a free agent, reporting just to the guy who hired you. In the White House, I'll report to Josh and you'll report to me. And I won't stand for any unnecessary… distractions. You're good Amy. You would be an asset, but your destructive tendencies are not going to turn this Administration upside down, do I make myself clear?"

"The President-elect is not going to let you fire me, Sam."

"Amy we both know that if he had been standing next to his wife earlier over hearing you, he would have fired you on the spot." 

"Because I told the truth about Donna's lack of qualifications and her highness' status as a stay-at-home-mom?"

"No, because you were patronizing and disrespectful about people who are on your side, people you should be working with. Because from those comments it's obvious you're a pain-in-the-ass. The fact that it was his wife you were insulting, just would have made it easier."

Amy sat for a moment seething. Truth was she was more than a little embarrassed. All she'd set out to do that evening was give Josh a phone number, a phone number that he could call in order to start a relationship with someone who wasn't his assistant. Fifteen minutes later and she'd made an enemy of the future First Lady and the Deputy Chief of Staff was starring her down and telling her that her job was in jeopardy. Neither Josh nor Donna was worth this. "We're clear."

"Good." Sam watched her exit his office and stalk off down the hallway. But he knew whatever agreement they'd just reached wouldn't hold. One way or another, her agenda would get in the way. Whether it was a personal agenda or professional agenda didn't matter. He gave her three months-- six months tops-- before she was gone for good.


End file.
